I Built My Soul
How do you deal with negative emotions? What are some of the healthy ways of releasing negative emotions? What are the effects of negative emotions on the soul? These questions were answered when I did Alabastron.
One day in 2011 while talking with a friend, she mentioned Alabastron. During this time, I lost my mother to cancer. It was painful! My mother’s death left a deep void within me. This led me to make drastic changes in my life. I cut my hair. I shifted my career. I even lost contacts with some of my friends. At this point, my siblings though I was going mad. Nevertheless, they supported me. During this time, I lost my mother to cancer. It was painful! My mother’s death left a deep void within me.
One and half years later, I was back in Kenya after my graduation. This was a fresh start for me. I set out on another unpredictable journey of navigating Kenya as an adult. This came with its challenges but my friends were my safe haven. One friend allowed me to live with her. Another helped me secure a job opportunity.
Right after the peaceful transitioning, grief came knocking again. I experienced the loss of the father figures in my life. I thought I was ‘ok’. I believed having experienced the worst grief from the loss of my mother. I will somewhat manage through it this time.
Not quite so, This for me was a trigger that unraveled me. On the outside, I looked ‘ok’. But on the inside, it was a mess. I could not put into words the incredible loss that I felt. On the outside, I looked ‘ok’. But on the inside, it was a mess I felt alone in my seemingly unique struggle. I did not share much about the pain buried inside of me.
With time, the pain was evident. I would soak myself in having joyful experiences hoping to numb it. I was always the first to suggest exciting plans while with my friends. I did not enjoy being alone. Then the comparing came, I was so hard on myself. I was comparing myself with my peers. Ouch!
I hoped to enjoy the joy I manufactured since I did not have it within. It worked only for a while. Another friend who had just completed Renewing Self saw through my pain. She advised I take the program. I gave in to her request because I desperately needed to let go the heaviness within.
Renewing Self was my saving grace. It was far from an overnight transformation. I can describe my experience as destroying a building then rebuilding brick by brick. I built my soul. I healed from my deeply rooted pain from my childhood. It was far from an overnight transformation. I can describe my experience as destroying a building then rebuilding brick by brick. I built my soul. I made peace with the outcome of my life. I now truly deeply have inner peace and joy. This has helped me enjoy every aspect of life and navigate through challenges in a healthy manner. I have found a balance of my alone time and time spent with loved ones
Now I know that painful events don’t have to stagnate me. I have believe that I can move forward. Yes, these moments can be life changing but not life defining. I would encourage any woman who feels lost and stagnated that there is a better way of living. Just sign up for the Renewing Self Program.
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