Bouncing Back!!!
When I started the Alabastron Renewing Self program (season 25) in October 2015 it was because my mum had told me that it would change my life and it was just what I needed to take the next major step (she had already done the program).
It wasn’t long before I realized I had made the best decision.
For a long time, since I was 17, (now I’m 22) I had struggled with major depression and had been taking antidepressants for over 3 years.
I had struggled with major depression and had been taking antidepressants for over 3 years.
The treatment wasn’t helping and I had been hospitalized over 10 times after numerous suicide attempts. I was struggling to keep up in school because I had issues concentrating and sitting for exams as well as attending class. I was unable to function in so many ways and socially; I couldn’t keep relationships with friends. I would withdraw from the people closest to me to the point where I wouldn’t leave the house or my room for days, which would lead to me to constantly fighting with my parents.
My relationship with my mum was plummeting. I felt as though she never understood what I was going through and she constantly looked down on me and criticized me or told me to ‘snap out’ of my problem. I felt attacked at home. Every time I would contemplate suicide she would put me in a hospital for more than 2 weeks and I felt rejected and alone as well as guilty because I didn’t want to put my family through pain. My life was in shambles and I knew I had to change it somehow not just for me but for the people that I love.
During the Renewing Self coaching process we would have a 3 hour class once every week (it wasn’t very demanding) and I would rush there hoping that that would be the day that I would finally get better; the day that the coach would whisper that one word that would save me from all the emotional pain I had been through in my life.
I began enjoying going to the class even though I was reserved at first because I didn’t want to put too much faith into a 12 session coaching process that was promising change. But slowly as the weeks passed by I felt all the anger, negativity, sadness and self-loathing disappear, then it wasn’t until after the retreat (after the 7th of the 12 sessions) when I finally let go.
But slowly as the weeks passed by I felt all the anger, negativity, sadness and self-loathing disappear
For the first time I was able to look into the mirror, open my mouth and say ‘you’re worth it.’
Because of the renewing-self program I am able to push myself further. I accept responsibility and believe in myself. I have new-found confidence because I feel capable of achieving. I am able to focus in school and I don’t believe that life is a dead-end.
From there everything else changed for the better. Alabastron equipped me to identify and deal with self-defeating thoughts and channel them into positive patterns. In school I have been able to sit for my exams unscathed by the low self-esteem I had before and the irrational fear of failure that would always make me run from my obligations in the past. I can say that since I finished Renewing Self, I haven’t attempted suicide. This process has changed my life.
Because of the renewing-self program I am able to push myself further. I accept responsibility and believe in myself. I have new-found confidence because I feel capable of achieving.
I feel that any bad situation can be solved and that has brought me closer to God.
My relationship with my mum is the one thing that has really changed. For a long time our relationship had been strained by my emotional instability; I felt that I had a lot to make up for and I had to seek forgiveness for hurting her but because we both completed the journey we have grown closer and we see each other’s lives in a whole different light.
Finally I have made friends! Ones who understand my personality and help keep me accountable for everything that I am doing. It was important for me to find people who I could talk to if I ever felt down and the Renewing Self Process helped me see the value of other women in my life. For that I’m truly thankful.
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