I'm a Free, Bolder Woman!
You should join a program called Alabastron. An interesting program, I wish I had attended it even before I got married, I’ll have learnt so much. You’ll learn how to handle things That’s what my sister in law, Magdalene Nzomo, told me about Alabastron roughly two or three years ago. I had just shared with her about the cycle I was experiencing with men in my dating space. At the moment, I had just been dumped after an engagement and marriage plans! Ouch! I had a lot of unanswered questions, disappointment and hurt.
On sharing the information with me, I told her, “I’ll look into it.” I never did.
Much later, I decided to take the program because I felt I couldn’t live life in guilt. In 2019, I lost my father abruptly on 17th May. My deepest pain was that before he died, I had a big confrontation with him in January. I even refused to go home for Easter Holidays. I had lashed out on him that I screamed at him, cried bitterly and said things I wished I had not
Dad’s death was affecting me deeply and intensely. I blamed myself because I learnt he succumbed to depression. I felt that my argument with him added to his pain. This guilt gave me sleepless nights, other nights I cried myself to sleep. The memory of how I lashed out on him haunted me every time I remembered about dad’s love.
Dad’s death was affecting me deeply and intensely. I blamed myself when I learnt he succumbed to depression. I felt that my argument with him added to his pain. I regretted it every day of my life! I assumed that since he was an alcoholic, he did and said things knowingly. I felt he used alcohol as an escape route.
This guilt gave me sleepless nights, other nights I cried myself to sleep. The memory of how I lashed out on him haunted me every time I remembered about dad’s love. I would harshly judge myself for not seeing the good things in him while alive. The day he died I hated myself. I was filled with bitterness and anger towards myself.
At the burial, I would hear a voice tell me, “Stop pretending you’re crying and you told me you don’t care about me.” It was this bad! I tried prayer and fasting. These two activities gave me peace for some time. This made me learn how to put up a brave face and keep up with my life.
When I couldn’t take it any more, I opened up to Magdalene again, who told me of Alabastron. This time I made the decision of contacting Alabastron. I decided not to call but whatsapp hoping that if they don’t contact me, I’ll use it as an excuse of not joining the program. Fortunately, they called me back and I took the program.
My highlight in the Renewing Self Program was a fresh understanding on forgiveness. I learnt how to forgive myself. I believe that God has forgiven me. I have come to believe even my dad has forgiven me. The understanding of this knowledge has made me a free, bolder woman! I feel lighter. I am a happier woman!
My highlight in the Renewing Self Program was a fresh understanding on forgiveness. I learnt how to forgive myself. I believe that God has forgiven me. I have come to believe even my dad has forgiven me. I have also forgiven my ex fiancé. Additionally, I learnt to deal with anger. I am able to see the good in people. I have learnt to accept things as they come. I am now able to express and say things as they are. I was able to make peace with the fact that I may end up hurting people around me and that’s ok. Recently, I found myself telling people about what I expect and how I would like to be treated. I must say I was very proud of myself. I’ve become more understanding and open minded.
The understanding of this knowledge has made me a free, bolder woman. I feel lighter. I am a happier woman! To every woman carrying guilt along in her life so heavily that she can’t take it any more choose to begin this year and decade a fresh by signing up HERE to embrace a HAPPY NEW YOU!
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