I Hated Any Indication Suggesting That I Am Beautiful, Whether Verbal, Written Or Imagined
At the point where I signed up for the Alabastron Renewing Self programme, I was going through a lot in my life. I could not explain it to anyone not even to myself, why I was extremely bitter. I was a very sad person on the inside yet all smiles on the outside and I had perfected this art such that nobody would ever imagine/suspect that I had any issues at all.
I was a very sad person on the inside yet all smiles on the outside and I had perfected this art such that nobody would ever imagine/suspect that I had any issues at all. I always felt unloved, not confident, rejected, unworthy and as if I was on my own in this world. I had convinced myself that nobody loved me enough to stand by me. I experienced a lot of emptiness and great fear in my life. As much as all these feelings were eating me up; I always pretended that I was doing well and that I was indeed very happy.
It became very hard to pray because I felt as if God wasn't present in my life and the few times he would show up, came with a lot of conditions that I could not meet hence miss out on his blessings. I would never be by myself in the house and would always reach out to my friends so that I get company to hang out. I would feel very empty after a fun night out and would have serious breakdowns on my way home. I would cry a lot when driving without knowing exactly what had made me sad. I had bad mood swings where I would suddenly change from a state of being very happy to deep sorrow and would start crying for no good reason. It’s at this point that I knew that I needed help.
I have actually been able to identify the cause of my behavior patterns. The Alabastron sessions have been very helpful and I have actually been able to identify the cause of my behavior patterns. I had serious issues from my past that had caused me to be extremely bitter and hostile, especially towards men. I could not trust them irrespective of whatever form they came in, all I wanted was to hurt them and make sure I 'win' and that way I was convinced that I had managed to revenge. I was not taking it kindly when they called me beautiful. I would get very upset because I was convinced that they were out to make me look stupid or tried to lure me. I discovered the root cause for this was an incident that happened to me in my teen years and I blamed it on myself and the fact that I was a beautiful girl. Hence, I hated any indication suggesting that I am beautiful, whether verbal, written or imagined and would develop an attitude towards the person instantly. I'd end up responding badly or even get into an argument with the person.
I hated any indication suggesting that I am beautiful, whether verbal, written or imagined I have been equipped to not only identify but to also deal and though it is a process and not an event, I am now able to experience peace, confidence and love. I am more calm and patient and above all, I am able to acknowledge and experience God's love in my life. I am able to relate with Him in a better and more confident manner knowing that He truly loves me for who I am no matter the situation. I have processed and let go of some very painful experiences in the past. I have forgiven those who hurt me.
Now I am able to enjoy my life and I am clear that my past does not define me. I have also learnt to love and allow myself to experience love. My interactions and how I relate with family members, friends and even strangers have really improved and become more meaningful. I do not feel empty anymore and instead feel very fulfilled and happy. Now I am able to enjoy my life and I am clear that my past does not define me. I have also learnt to love and allow myself to experience love.
I am able to take compliments and actually understand that there's nothing wrong with my beauty and instead learnt to appreciate it. I am able to respond by to such messages by actually saying thank you without feeling bitter about it. I am able to have conversations with men without thinking they're taking me for a fool. I have become very positive about things in life and I have peace.ENROLL FOR CLASS WANT TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE?