Move from Pain to Inner Peace
We are products of the societies that brought us up. These societies shape what we belief and the perspective we have for what is right or wrong, normal or abnormal, good or bad. However, living life to please other people, robs us off the joy of living a life where we make decisions based on what is right for us. Esther (not her real name) shares her story on the cost of living life to please other people.
I always believed education would liberate me to achieve all my dreams in life. So, when given an opportunity I poured myself to it and succeeded. I graduated with a first class honors degree in campus. Consequently, I received a scholarship to pursue a master’s degree!! It was fulfilling!! I always believed education would liberate me to achieve all my dreams in life. So, when given an opportunity I poured myself to it and succeeded.
You can imagine what this meant for me. I would take an opportunity to grow in my education with the seriousness it deserves. These kinds of opportunities were like tickets from a life I never wanted to live to a life of my dreams. I would do anything necessary as long as it would grant me the life I had always dreamt of. My passion to get an education was greatly driven by this motive.
I was always full of hope that life would definitely turn out better for me. Growing up, I witnessed verbal and physical abuse against my mother from my father. In fact occasionally my sister and I would protect my mother from my father. I dreaded ever being in that similar situation. This hope and dread would fuel me to do anything within my power to have a better future. I did not want to replicate the same experience as my mother’s in my life. I was always full of hope that life would definitely turn out better for me. Growing up, I witnessed verbal and physical abuse against my mother from my father.
Please understand I was determined to get a different destiny in life. For me, this life would be attained through attaining excellence in my education, getting a great career and living the life with a man who would love dearly.
Soon after I graduated, I got married. I married this man since most of my family members approved of him. They had even began setting up meetings to plan my wedding. The pressure was real! For this one decision I relied on the approval of my family and culture. Now let me tell you something you didn’t know, there was another man that I loved and he loved me dearly. I believed we were soul mates. But I knew culturally our union would never be approved of. So, like the good girl I was to my family and community I gave in and went with the man they thought would be best for me. Soon after I graduated, I got married. I married this man since most of my family members approved of him. This is a decision that has costed me more that I was willing to pay.
This is a decision that has costed me more that I was willing to pay. I remember the first time I faced physical abuse from my husband just like it was yesterday. It happened while we were for our honey moon. He slapped me over an orange I did not want to eat.
“This is your fault! You’ve made me angry so you deserve it.” He said in anger as the shape of his palm met my smooth face roughly. It took me by surprise. I was shocked! Later on he would apologize but the abuse would be consistent.
The abuse continued until I bore my first child. I love my children! The child did not change anything. The abuse continued. So, one day I took off and went back home. I hoped that my father, after learning about this situation, would come up with an amicable solution for my marriage. Little did I know, to my surprise the opposite happened! He confessed to my husband that he physically abused my mother and it is a right thing to do. The abuse continued until I bore my first child. I love my children! Little did I know, to my surprise the opposite happened! He confessed to my husband that he physically abused my mother and it is a right thing to do.
“When women bear children they seem to develop horns that need to be cut through disciplining them.” He convinced my husband.
My heart was crushed!! I could not believe that the men I thought were supposed to protect me would gang up to destroy my being. I felt doomed to the very thing I had been running away from my entire life. I felt helpless! The continuous abuse led me to develop bipolar and severe depression. Sometimes, I contemplated upon taking my own life.
At work, I would be the happiest, the funniest yet the previous night. I had to endure physical beating from my husband. It was frustrating and tiring. It was one of my friends who shared with me about Alabastron after I had opened up about my life to her. She even paid an amount of registration fees.
During the program, I felt confused yet I discovered many things about myself. I have began communicating what I want in my life. I now believe and fight for what I deserve. The tools I have now have made me self-aware that I am able to understand myself. I am on a journey to forgive my father. I am hopeful that all things will work out well for me and finally awaken the girl I once was full of life and hope for a better future.
If you like Esther, or resonate with Esther’s story, even remotely. Alabastron is interested in your Brokenness, like Esther we can equip you with life tools Email. email@example.com
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