When I signed up to do the Revamp confidence Program at Alabastron, I was going through season after season of self doubt and feeling like a fake. I was feeling like I could not achieve certain dreams in my life because of weaknesses I had in my life, and weaknesses that people around me would keep on highlighting, pin pointing and persecuting me about.
This had made me become very defensive and my default style of communication and self expression was passive-aggressiveness. At the same time, I was increasingly feeling like there are certain ventures like business, certain job descriptions positions in my career life and public speaking that were not for me. [...]

I am a season 12 Renewing Self Alumnus. At the time I was going through a period where I disliked my life and everything about it. Nothing seemed to be working in my life (job/relationship/family). I was busy trying hard to fix everyone's issues and it was taking a toll on me. I was depressed and spent the better part of my Sunday afternoons (after church) crying. Even God wasn't working for me. Nothing was. I knew something was wrong with me and I was desperate to fix it. I wanted to smile again. I wanted to feel alive again.

My cousin Irene who had already gone through the renewing self journey introduced me to it and promised me it was the 'fix' I needed in my life. [...]

Those of us who have read the book, Hinds Feet to High Places, by Hannah Hunnard may remember what happened to Much Afraid at the end of her journey. She reached out to her family of the Fearings who lived in the Valley of Humiliation, in the village called Much Trembling.

Women in Africa are known to genuinely reach out to each other in need and indeed. We asked one, Nkirote, who did Alabastron Sn9 in 2011, and has tirelessly brought ladies to the Alabastron classes to give us tips on how she does it, so that we could probably borrow some. This is what she had to say.

Wow! I Love my life! But it wasn't always like that...
I came to Alabastron feeling, old, used, confused and lost. Oh yes! I had lost myself a long time ago. I must confess that if someone asked me how my life was, my standard response was, "I have no idea where my life went without me".

I had been hurt so much, that I got used to it and pain became my daily constant companion. I no longer felt anything. I was dead inside. I had become an angry and irritable woman, always on combat mode. I often had frequent crying outbursts, feeling sorry for myself. My main mode of communication was shouting especially at those closest to me. Nothing mattered in my life anymore. I had reached the end. My life was "mathosh" and I felt like trash.

One may wonder how I survived. Well, I had a perfect mask of miss good two shoes. At my work place, I employed every unqualified personnel, so that "I could take care of them". I felt that it was my duty to "help" them, so I ended up doing all their work for them due to their incompetence, yet I was paying them for it.

I had just fallen out of a relationship with a man that we had known each other for over 5 years. Two years after into the relationship, we were blessed with a son.

Just like any other relationship I was hoping for a settlement and having a son made me sure that it was going to happen. Questions were asked (society expectations) and I made excuses and even lied for him, he made no efforts but I was in love (so I thought). At that point of my life I got to learn that he was still in a relationship with his ex and they had a child who was even younger than my son.

My heart was shattered, I was heartbroken and my world just collapsed. I was slowly sinking into depression. I was angry, I was mad... I reacted very harshly to my own family (my son included). Ironically, I continued to make excuses for him, lie for him and put up a strong happy face before the world. Inside me was a walking shell of my old self. I shared with a friend of mine Irene about my issues and she told me about the Alabastron. At this point I had lost myself completely and I needed to find me. [...]