“I’m ok!”, is my standard answer. I roll my eyes and wonder, why do people keep asking me if I am ok, don’t I look ok? Leave me alone! Can’t you see, how ok I am? I am put together, I am Ms. Me. I have my stuff together, I have the house, the job and a loving relationship with a guy who loves me. I am happy, aren’t I or shouldn’t I be?
Night falls. I am all alone. Gosh, it’s so quiet. What do I do? It’s time to sleep but I don’t want to go to bed. It’s too lonely. Oh! I feel so empty, so alone. I look at the clock, it’s 9.30pm. Wisdom says it is time to wind down for the day, the weekend and start preparing for the new week. Time to check my diary and get ready for the new week, take my shower, slow down, read, meditate, pray, stretch; all those things I read in the glossy magazines, hear from my pastor, and the growing plethora of podcasts and sources of advice.
The phone rings. I look at the caller ID, it’s him. “Hey babe.” He says in his sultry voice. “It’s been a minute, why so quiet? Are you ok?” Again, that question, will everyone stop asking me that inane baseless question! I AM ok! Ok! I roll my eyes, smile and say sweetly, “All is well, sweets, good to hear from you. How have you been?” I don’t feel like all is well though, are those tears welling up? Oh, my goodness, I better not start crying. I make a lame excuse about running the bath, he tries to protest, but I cut it all short. I don’t feel like explaining. What am I even explaining, I don’t understand what is going on! I am ok, I am ok, aren’t I? Panic is rising in me. [...] Read More